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Vag Tv

“Vag Tv is sneaky, often well intentioned, and can totally slow your labor roll. Come to this group prenatal class to get the 411 on how you too can prevent Vag Tv, sidestep its dire consequences, and spot it a mile away. Presented by Rowan TwoSisters and the Secret Society of Labor Whisperers.” This is the intro on a FaceBook event for a group prenatal class  for Sacred Journey Midwifery that I’m presenting with my other Labor Whisperers in Jan. And it occurs to me that Shannon Stellhorn’s living room isn’t going to hold all of us. All of you. All of the women who need to know that the hyper-scrutiny and all the “Have you had that baby yet?” are actually labor stoppers. STOPPERS. As in do not pass go. Like I know I’ve totally written before about going into labor , but let’s just look at it again.  Review. There are four kinda general reasons that people don’t go into labor,

  1. The due date is crap ~Arbitrary, a guestimate. And people get MARRIED to that shiz. Calm down people, its just a a shot in the dark. Every woman, every pregnancy, every weather pattern is different.
  2. Its all in your head ~  Something emotional/mental/energetically is slowing the roll. EX? Vag TV!
  3. Let’s Get Physical! So maybe fetal malposition (due to a number of things), tight pelvic floor, broken and now stuck pointing inward  coccyx.
  4. We don’t actually know, but somethings up. ~And this is where we do everything we can to get a preggers person as ready as can be with our protocol, so that if you need a little help from our (medical) friends, that we’ve cleared the way for any medical intervention needed to be as effective as possible. Collaborative not combative.

Vag Tv is a shining example of getting so much hassle that your body doesn’t feel safe enough to do its job, like kick into labor. Vag Tv is when you are no longer a person, but a giant belly/crotch combo, and everybody has their 2cents on your birth, your belly size, your birth plan, your partners involvement. It can look like the constant social media posts asking about the baby, or text messages, or unsolicited comments, especially those involving crap birth stories. The solution to Vag Tv is boundaries. No joke. Because if your body doesn’t know you are going to keep it safe and taken care of, the Oxytocin may decide hide and not come out and play. So I came up with a plan.

  1. Take you one of these, this is my girl Angela Andrea, she bakes cakes.

Andrea Selfie2. Then go back and take a sticky note, or a piece of printer paper and stick it up right where your phone would be.Oh, you can write on it too, something clever or witty or, I know, a picture of a bird!

Bird pic

I think we can all see why I didn’t pursue a career in art.

3. ok, take the pregnant selfie again.Beth & BirdBoom, there you are. The perfect profile pic for all your social media posts. Genius, eh? Don’t forget to include the hashtag #laborwhispering, then maybe all your social media peeps can come tell me what a B I am for coaching you on having good labor boundaries. Whatevs, I have friends. When to take it down? When you have one of these!

Baby Violet

Baby Violet. She’s looking right into our souls.

Xoxoxoxoo, Rowan